Photo by The New York Times
Over the past year, I have become an avid listener and a self-proclaimed Arm Cherry of Dax Shepard and Monica Padman's Armchair Expert Podcast. I have learned an immense amount about life, how we deal with things, and the "messiness of being human."
They do an impeccable job at breaking this down with lighthearted comedy and just a little extra something that makes you want to be and do better. Most imperatively, each episode gives listeners a lesson on emotional intelligence.
Listening to two opposite personalities debate back and forth, grow from each other and their guest (ranging from celebrities to experts in a given field), and dedicate themselves to learning more about them and the world around us.
These conversations have induced a lot of reflection in my life. They also have produced a MeUndies, Bombas, and Brooklinen addict. ~I seriously can’t get enough~
Let’s not forget about the mouthwatering Emily burger description (it’s on my
bucket list) and admirable White Castle conquests. And, as a true Arm Cherry, I strive to be told I'm built like a "brick shithouse." If you know, you know.
Something I have taken note of is how essential the teachings of Alcoholics Anonymous is for everyday life. Dax Shepard has been sober for over 15 years. He pulls many of his questions and outlooks that he shares on the podcast from his AA experiences. Now more than ever, I believe we all need a lesson on how to understand why we think and act the way we do. I hope that these teachings can enlighten you as much as they have for me.
One of my favorite episodes was when Sanjay Gupta came on for a second time when the pandemic first arose. He posed many thoughtful outlooks and solutions on how to deal with the chaos we're living in. What sparked my interest the most is when he discusses our four primary emotions: fear, happiness, sadness, and anger. Even though these emotions seem to contrast one another, everything you feel can be turned into some form of anger.
This information can be incredibly helpful for those who are unsure of how to navigate their emotions, especially during a time of such uncertainty. Another huge takeaway is the idea that we cannot sacrifice honesty in the pursuit of hope. We need to find a way to juggle both and live somewhere in between.
Understand that if people are acting negatively towards you or others, it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you.
Remind yourself that there must be a reason that someone is acting in an unkind manner. Be aware that they might be going through something in their personal life. Understand that this person may not have the emotional tools to express their feelings more calmly.
All you can do in any situation is to try your best, be kind, listen, and practice empathy.
Life throws curveballs at us all the time, and it can be challenging to deal with the uncontrollable obstacles that come our way. We don't really know what we're made of until our back's up against a wall. Understand that nothing is guaranteed, so make the most of right now.
Kindness and compassion take you far.
Projecting negative energy is not healthy. It festers and creates even more problems. Do your best to live and let live rather than allowing yourself to feel any resentment. After all, holding grudges and resentment is like "drinking poison hoping it'll kill someone else."
Only compare yourself to past versions of yourself, not others.
Like everyone, I still experience the negatives. We're human; we weren't born to be perfect. From the wise words of Kristen Bell, "if we don't admit what our faults are, we're never going to get through them. We're only living this life once, allow your self to feel it all. Good or bad."
Recently I've been told that I say "I should" too often. By doing so, I put a lot of pressure on myself to go above and beyond and create unrealistic expectations. I have since been trying to switch the narrative and say "I would like" instead. After all, as taught by AA, "without unrealistic expectations, there are no resentments."
Determine what you want and work out the steps to get there.
These changes don't come easy; we have to work for it and manifest it. To do so, we have to start from the solution backward. Otherwise, we're just shooting in the dark.
Figure out what is healthiest for us, admit to your faults, and know your worth.
Know that even though we may not be valuable in a particular area, we are valuable in other ways. No one is perfect, and it's essential to find happiness in those imperfections.
Without being honest with ourselves, it is difficult to treat others any differently. All of the stuff that adds up to who we are amounts to what we put out to other people.
Be happy where you are.
Even if you're in the most uncomfortable of circumstances, make a pro list. Be aware of the good things right in front of you, and try not to take it for granted. After all, we're stuck with ourselves for the rest of our lives.
We all have struggles, and life doesn't always go according to plan. Always ask for advice and accept when given. You might need the guidance to confirm it's not the advice you need. Know that what matters most is what works for you; there is no definitive answer.
Now more than ever, we need to stick together. Help your neighbor. Ask questions and put in the work. The more action we take, the more others will feel confident to ask for help. Allow ourselves to be more open-minded, honest, and accepting; you never know the good that can come.
Thank you to the Armchair Experts and guests for helping me understand the importance of empathy and embracing the opportunities that come our way. Let's start normalizing emotional intelligence together.